disillusioned world

《从A的关于B的梦中梦说起》

2011-09-22T20:33:00.000+08:00

A做了一个怪梦，梦见自己“梦见”朋友B遇空难。这场梦已经梦过两次了，他在梦中醒后总是挣扎，是否要告诉朋友这件事。他在MSN问了另一位朋友，他说，还是说吧，你的朋友未必会因你这个梦而不乘搭飞机，不过说总好过没说。万一事情真的发生呢？然而，他思忖多时（在梦中如何计时呢？），还是决定不说了。没想到朋友真的遭遇空难（在梦中）。A是一个逻辑分明的人，因此，他无法像我们这样能够拥有一个全知全能的视角，所以就连空难的消息，当然也是由另一个朋友转告的。之后，A在梦里醒来，他觉得很沮丧，因为B是个好人，而自己算是间接害了他。没错，这一切还是在梦中发生，他也搞不清是真是假，隐约感觉自己意识到自己正在幻梦中，不过一切又好像有血有肉地真实发生着。

A醒后，满身大汗，并终于发现这一切是在梦中发生。这一次是真的醒了。他赶紧去查朋友的状态，即使是梦，也要确认一下真伪。还是看看朋友的facebook status吧，看看是否是online还是……dead.

没有任何更动，最后一次发帖是上个星期。糟了。怎么办？打给他也没接。赶紧打给朋友的比较要好的朋友谈谈。原来朋友正打算飞到纽约找他的女朋友。再在线上和留学英国的朋友查问，啊！朋友已乘飞机走人了。会不会……去去去！大吉利是。没办法了，之后再等侯消息吧。

他伸伸懒腰，呼了一口气，新的一天即将来临。今天星期天，该做什么好呢？看看IPhone，10点了……看看桌上写给自己的提醒条……10点了！10点了！约好朋友11点钟！怎么电话的铃声不响了？一个梦就把他弄得惊慌失措，他明明昨天晚上就把Alarm set好了。他查看 IPhone ，这个让他方便不少的家伙，竟然在最紧要的关头失灵！（没想到，他后来发现不少人也面临同样的问题。当然他此时的哲学脑筋启动了。他突发奇想，如果大家因某一个相同的外部刺激而“触发”同样的神经，而做起同样的梦，醒来，和同床的太太谈论起来，和孩子、朋友核对后，又会是怎样的感觉？而且如果全球人类都因为电话失灵而睡不醒，会不会也因电话太过有效而不能睡？或者行为受电话操控？——）

还不走？是时候赴会了，还想这么多！这位即将要见面的朋友说是“朋友”也不太对，毕竟曾经有过一段算是刻骨铭心的感情。后来两人因为意见不合，女方就提出暂时分开。（什么意见不合嘛！他自认已经对她很迁就了。）没想到在这段“缓和期”，她竟然爱上了另一个同学。几年的感情，A有时还得眼睁睁看他们手牵着手离开学校，甜甜蜜蜜地到他们最甜蜜的地方。有什么办法？今天本来不想见面的，不过碍于面子，还是大大方方地带她去逛逛上海吧——

赶紧换衣。冬天，挑选哪件外套好呢？还是不要穿同一件，换换衣服，改改心情。结果换了一件黑色的皮夹外套，不过这件没有口袋，等一下上街的时候，要好好照顾钱包。A一边穿牛仔裤一边刷牙一边穿鞋又脱鞋又穿鞋一边梳头发一边找钱包和门钥匙之后，才终于换上了黑色无口袋的外套。他甚至有一种预感，钱包可能会被扒走，不过由于迟到，也就不大理会了。

结果改换了衣服，还是心情愉快不起来，恍恍惚惚地走在繁忙的街道上。

途中，有一个男子匆匆忙忙地擦肩而过，不小心撞了他一下。A心里面发怒喊到：“喂！要死哦，那么快，赶着去投胎啊？”那个男子头也不回地跑掉了。

他走了一会儿，感觉很不对劲。走着走着，A拍拍自己的口袋，啊，怎么会？他X的，钱包怎么没了？他赶紧追，追的时候，不小心和一个正在过马路的中年汉撞个正着。A却没有停下脚步，仍往前死命地追。只听到中年汉在身后远处喊道：“要死哦，跑那么快，赶着去投胎啊？”，充满着怒气。

刚巧，这位男子提着刚从超市买的大包小包果菜和鲜肉，碰到这样无理的路人（即A），不但没有停下道歉，还那么正气凛然地开溜，让他感到非常愤愤不平。结果脑筋正在想着这件事，嘴里不断碎碎念，脚和身体却没有停下，竟然撞上了迎面而来的阿婆。

阿婆的被踩扁的回收铁罐掉落满地，气得她提着嗓子喊：“侬脑子瓦特了啊？走路不看路，赶着去投胎啊？”

当然在这段事情发生的时候，A正在追扒手。可想而知，扒手是追不到的了。

算了，真倒霉。还是去找朋友（旧情人）吧。不然她刚到上海，手机又打不通，人生地不熟，怪可怜危险的（其实真正的想法是：如果迟到了，或者没遇上，说不定她会到处跟人说，自己没有风度。约了她，又爽约。好幼稚的报复行为。分明是放不过她……去，我早已将她忘光光了。为了自己宽容大量的声誉，还是赶快和她会合为妙。）看看IPhone，怎么还是10点？该不会是停了吧？偏偏这个时候……算了，加快脚步吧。他看绿灯亮起，急急忙忙地过马路，怎么知道四面八方迎来了要索他命的车和车笛声，不是绿灯吗？！他定睛一看，原来他看到的是巴士边窗的倒影，发射到的是另一角的红绿灯。

结果好不容易战战兢兢地过到了地铁站地下层，发现朋—情人没到。朋—情人没到？都几点了。看看IPhone，还是10点。都已经停了，还看来干吗？想上网看看，不知怎么的，上网软件也失灵了。想问问路人，不过他们匆匆忙忙地掠过他，他想问也没机会。怎么办？结果他等着等着，等着等着……

到底来不来？他回忆起之前等她回电话的日子。他给她的电话留言几乎足以让她听上一整个下午。还约好和她一起在常去的小餐馆。没想到，她始终没来，只是发来了一句短信“Don’t wait for me any more.. I have moved on. I hope you know what it means..” 他在餐馆一个字一个字地读着简讯，而且还一遍复一遍地重读着。之后气得——却连手机也不敢丢，毕竟是用多年的积蓄买的，只是叫了几杯奶茶，把它们当做她，一口一口地统统喝掉。都这么多年了……就这样？？每次看到她在msn上出现，都会心里不经意地抽动一下。她到底来不来？

他等了一段时间，在地铁站外的小吃店，喝了三杯奶茶，过后就回到宿舍去了。

也因为这三杯奶茶，让他肚子有了胃汁翻搅的感觉。也因为这感觉，他走得特别快，沿路没有什么和人打招呼，直到宿舍电梯。

宿舍电梯里，一位女子缓缓走了进来。

他不加理会，不过那位欧洲女子却热情地说声“你好！”并笑眯眯地看着他。

他有点不想讲话，不过由于也是热情的性格使然，还是说了一句，你好！Where are you from？

女子盯了他很久，“咦？……法国啊……你怎么忘了？我们晚上，昨天，才见过面……”

“哦是吗……是哦……是……”

“你忘了我的名字了，对吗？我连都给你电话的号码了……”

“没有没有，我没有忘记……你是……”

“我从来没有见过，你这样一个像这样没有诚意的男子！”

他累得倒在床上。他不敢相信今天的运气。他爬起来走到电脑处，开启电脑，开启日常开启的程序软件，一个一个。值得庆幸的是，刚好朋友的facebook status 也有了更新。A 感到比较安心了，他赶紧按“通知”键：

Brandon says: “feels so happy to be with my dearest love again! (:”

盯着这段文字，A良久不动，只是愣着发呆，表情似笑非笑。刚巧在MSN也传来“她”上线的音乐。他始终为她保留着这段为她设计的上线音乐。

他鼓起勇气，开始发难：

（你怎么没来？你知道我等你很久了吗？你怎么每次都是这样？

？？？Aaron，你在说什么？没来？来什么？

我们不是约好11点的吗？我在人民广场站等了你很久了，你知道吗？

Aaron，好心你啦。是下个星期好不好。都几年不见了，你还是那么的冒失。）

下…个星…期？他不相信自己的眼睛，气得踢开电脑椅子，又猛揿“关机”键。不过不管他怎么揿，电脑就是不肯关机。他们那段对话始终冷冷地凝视着他。他索性愤然地把插头给拔出来。不过由于他忘了电脑仍有充得满满的电池，电脑荧幕仍然不变，“都几年不见了，你还是那么的冒失。”

他只好继续敲打键盘。“哈哈……是啊，有些坏习惯是改不掉的。”

他等了一会儿，又继续打。“几年不见了……你还好吗？”

没有回答。他继续站着耐心地等。等……没想到，之前发出的“关机”指令现在才生效，电脑突然开始一个个程序自动关闭，准备关机了。黑黑的荧幕随着windows的结束音乐响起而缓缓出现。

A累得倒在床上。A下意识又看看表/钟，不用我说，你也知道。“气死我了”，他说。然后他将它丢到床上。

不过，此时原本沉静的IPhone上的10:00，却开始起了变化。

10:00……10:01……10:02……10:03……04……05……06

当然这一切，却是在他不知不觉中发生。他之前所看到的时间是早上10点，他的生理时钟大概已是晚上11点钟了。外面的天空也在不经意中暗下去了。现在大概晚上七点左右了吧？

但愿这也是个梦，他说。

他躺在床上，没多久，便开始睡着了。

biao

2011-06-13T20:27:00.002+08:00

have u ever been in love yet dont feel it anymore?

the passion. the

have u have u have u?

im starting to doubt a lot of things.

let a bottle of soju do the job.

2011-06-13T20:10:00.001+08:00

that kinda proves the point.

anw, novel writing is a very stressful hobby.

and more so is novel editing.

2011-06-13T00:16:00.001+08:00

iwonderifanyone still follows this blog.

i wonder what can i do when i have somethings to say but no one to speak to.

2011-01-13T20:36:00.003+08:00

在这两三个星期以内，不停地写不停地打字，

消耗了不少文字，横尸遍野，

阵阵难闻的腐朽味，

敌人气急着败退

可我却没有胜利的感觉。

不想再写什么了，

甚至不想说话，

只想静静地呆在房间里面，

不过房间总不是可以静下的地方

到文图去

到课室去

到公园散步去

到处都是苍蝇

到处都是蚂蚁

唯有画室好一点。

能容我静静地一个人画

也不过如此。

这样冷的天气，

真想找一朵温暖的紫红花

小心翼翼地打开她的花瓣

一瓣一瓣地开

住在她不大不小的

花心里——

春天来临时

再醒。

听不见

2011-01-13T20:17:00.002+08:00

听不到，听不到
我已听不到你的声音
我忘了你的名字

要怎么写

我已记不起你的

脸，哦你的眼

我看不见~

你再不说话，

我在我的回忆里着火

2011-01-03T23:45:00.004+08:00

you can never imagine how these gestures have made my day and how much they meant to me.

thanks for spending time to read thru the two novels, and thanks for believing in me.

at least when i ever start "fasting" next time, you know what food to feed me.

劫后剩余：你偷不到我什么

2010-12-31T17:47:00.001+08:00

些人不太富有，不过日子过得很开心；有些人穷得只剩钱。

not so strong after all

2010-12-31T00:43:00.002+08:00

and i try to grab the nearest tree roots i found, but it seems

i'm flying off soon

i'm drowning

i don't feel quite

i am

i used to, you used to be

i am

love and hates

2010-12-30T15:59:00.002+08:00

i love how i spent my precious revision afternoon roaming around the school, making cards and reporting loss.

i love how you tell me it's not under your jurisdiction because it's outside the school.

i love the uncle who talked to me and advised me on the ways to keep my wallet and belongings in check and chit-chated with me about singapore and china while i wait for my number to come. erm, i meant tt. no sarcasm. he's really nice and he made my day.

i love how it might be boring tomorrow with everyone celebrating in their own groups.

i love what i'm reading and i wish i can write like them.

i hate it when i quarrel with you. i never wanted that to happen.

i love how stress creeps up on me.

i hate it when i don't know how my wallet was pick-pocketed.

i love how 2010 is coming to an end, and it doesn't seem like it is, either that or i don't feel it.

premonitions

2010-12-29T18:16:00.002+08:00

the thing is before going out today, i decided to wear another coat which have no pocket, hence i have to put my wallet into the back pocket of my jeans, which was again another pair since it's cold and i have to wear my heat tec below. and when all these thought process happened, it flashed in my mind that, i might drop my wallet given the loose cutting of the jeans. But i didn't heed the premonition and i just went ahead.

I had that as well that time when i locked my previous bike outside the restaurant. I have two locks, i locked the chain around the bicycle and i was holding the u-lock, thinking if i should lock it to the railing. It was raining then and i thought it's fine, it's just a lunch. But what if someone just take my bike away?

you know what happened next.

But anw, i was wondering if it's a retrospect phenomenon or i really have strong intuitions.

if it's the latter, i need to hit myself for not listening to myself. if it's the former, i think too much.

random post

2010-12-29T17:39:00.002+08:00

today i was so bored in class that i went out for a walk. saw many small green birds eating the small red buds on the tree. it's a cute sight. esp with the sunlight, it calms me down.

during lunch i saw this ah ma who looked so lost when she entered the korean restaurant. She wanted to buy a lunch box but the waitress told her there's no lunch box here, she could go to the chinese restaurant beside instead. This is a Korean restaurant, she said while not looking at the ah ma (it's funny because you are a Chinese, why do you need to stress that fact against fellow Chinese). However she wanted something korean for her friend/ relative. and she wanted something not spicy. so the waitress replied, there's nothing not spicy here --- really? so she passed the ah ma the menu and asked her to look for the things she wanted. She said she doesnt know how to read. in the end, she bought a bimbibab. The whole scene affected me quite alot.

after lesson, i was so hungry that i went for tea. But realised that i lost my wallet after locking my bike. sigh.

i still can't handle loss well.

my not so daily ritual

2010-12-28T18:29:00.002+08:00

I am someone who likes to mess things up so that I can tidy them after I finish all my work.

“Mess things up” includes throwing my clothes to the floor to find that matching shirt; reading and dropping my books onto the aisle between my bed and my roommate’s so that I can sleep immediately once I have the feeling of fatigue; clot up the whole of my desktop with files; spreading my notes around in a orderly chaotic order so that I can just pick them up immediately while I work on my essays and during my revisions, etcetera.

It’s a ritual that I practice, much to the dismay of my mum, my friends and my beloved love. I’m glad to have a roommate who’s accommodating, and who sometimes have the same messi-ligion like me. I'm sorry to my future wife, you.

I am someone who likes to write little post-it notes so that I can remind myself; I love to think, I love to give myself deadlines and write notes to remind myself, not those encouragement notes, but things that I should remember, things I should know, things I should take note of; I love to write down on post-its, or simply a random foolscap, a recycled paper beside my desk, my bed, on a part of the plot of a novel Im working on, a poetry im fermenting, some interesting combination of words..

That is why sometimes during my cleaning rituals, when I pick up notes that I wrote for myself, I read them and I feel an indescribable feeling, yes something akin to sitting on a magic carpet. I may not have the impression that I wrote that, or maybe I do, but I just feel enriched in the process. It’s as if a distant I who’s talking to the present I. Or someone left a note to me, reminding me of something, whispering a big secret to me.

I love this feeling. I don’t feel quite alone in the room or in life because of that. I feel blessed because I feel that there’s someone looking out for me, even though that someone used to be me.

I can never imagine how it is like to lose my memory, or to have short-termed and recurring ones like his.

"dreamers"

2010-12-07T22:21:00.000+08:00

You seemed to be mesmerized
by this tin lighter.

I'd like to know why.

- Well?
- George, please.

- Matthew's our guest.
- No, no. I'm genuinely curious.

I'd like to know why.

I was just... I was fidgeting
with Isabelle's lighter...

and... I wasn't
really realizing it...

then I noticed,
and I thought it was rude...

so I put it down
on the table.

But I put it diagonally across
one of these squares.

Do you see?

Look.

That's when I noticed
that the lighter's length...

is exactly the same length
as the diagonal itself.

So I put it lengthwise,
along the outside edge.

- Look. It fits there too.
- Yeah.

But it fits there.

And it fits like this
and like this...

and this way too.

And I bet you if
I just split it in half...

you know, it's
got to fit somewhere.

I mean, it really
fits anywhere. Look.

See?

I was noticing that the more
you look at everything...

this table, the objects on it,
the refrigerator, this room...

- your nose, the world...
- [Isabelle Chuckles]

suddenly...

you realize that there's some
sort of cosmic harmony...

of shapes and sizes.

I was just wondering why.
I don't know why that is.

I know that it is.

《”自我“设下的陷阱”，我“来跳》

2010-11-30T20:43:00.003+08:00

一浪一浪纷至沓来的工作量，卷上

对自我的不满与或许

过高的期许，

我肉质的躯体慢慢向下沉，勉强

露出一个头

一只手

和正在努力匍匐的指头儿

2010-11-27T22:48:00.001+08:00

today i met a guy who walked backwards. I wanted so much to ask him why, but he boarded a bus while i gave chase.

2 weeks ago, i saw an old lady in duolun road "strangling" a maple tree. I think it's her form of exercise.

I'm sorry that i can't put you guys into my short stories.

朋友啊，朋友

2010-11-26T00:57:00.001+08:00

我无法告诉你，他不是你最后的、期盼的那位。
他在思想上已经飞得鸟远，你仍如麻雀般蹒跚尾随。

朋友啊，朋友

2010-11-26T00:57:00.000+08:00

我无法告诉你，他不是你最后的、期盼的那位。
他在思想上已经飞得鸟远，你仍如麻雀般蹒跚尾随。

hurdle race

2009-09-03T23:28:00.000+08:00

There are some obstacles you can only cross yourself.

thanks.

2009-08-24T22:47:00.001+08:00

No one can anchor my heart as safely as you do.

being the youngest in the family,

2009-08-21T00:57:00.005+08:00

i always wanted a younger brother.

and im glad that for some unknown reasons,

i was able to relate to dexter, and to have him

confiding in me at times.

how tedious it is to be a role model for someone.

Yet it is always for someone that you become a

role model. We assumed roles, and we become

who we are in relative to who the others are. the world

is a stage, indeed.

Anw, a lighter note... for the daddy, he needs

a pair of vulture eyes and a tenacious mane

and swift claws in his office. But back home,

handling this sweet and endearing boy, he

needs patience and gentleness one needs to

marshal, when he faces a stalk of flower

without any strong external support.

there is always the moment..

2009-08-20T00:22:00.003+08:00

Are some creations only possible after destructions?

The withering of a rose,
The rain,
Earthquakes,
Economic boom,
the bloom of the morning glory in the backyard,
the cry of a baby,
the melting of an ice cube into a small pile of clear water,
Lava,
Decay,
the smile of a girl...

Your smile

Yet,
with every creation, a point of destruction is lurking

lurking...

lurking...

like the dark clouds that always know when to cover the smiley sun,

when memories evaporate; feelings melt; smiles wither;

when we can no longer feel each other's touch.................
when the sweetness fossilised,
when the door is suddenly closed-------- <<<>>>

(trust peels off from the walls of my heart...)

Change?
Constant?
Principles?
Conservation
of energy?
of mass?
of love?
of everything in the world... converted from one form into another...

endless love.
could be transient.
or could be eternal.

But which would you believe?

I stopped. To savour this moment.
And that moment.
Every moment.

I will continue walking,
with you beside.

2009-08-06T23:20:00.003+08:00

HEY guys~

got my blog from OMY, an online youth portal of SPH..

it's here:

http://blog.omy.sg/weibiao/

tada!

do come and support~

my monster

2009-07-27T00:11:00.000+08:00

i try to draw u out, but i can't.

You are too strong and illusive.

Just when i thought u are gone, u emerged to say 'hi'.

bye.

about onions

2009-07-26T02:00:00.004+08:00

while cutting the onions for cynthia yee yee just now, i tot of an imagery:

a full and round onion chopped into half, the separation is so painful that it invokes the tears of the audiences.

Separation stings.

conundrum conundrum......

sounds like the beating of the heart.

my heart ur onion...

Probably only Carol Duffy will know our feelings.

why do i still miss you even though we meet everyday?

why do we have to part everytime our hearts are so close together?

why can't i stop thinking of you?

Gabriel Garcia Marquez has a book titled: love in the time of cholera.

What about in the time of SARS, H1N1.. when people are wearing masks.. can "i love you" still be heard? still believable when said by a masked mouth?

Coincidentally, scientists are in the final stages of creating the vaccine for H1N1. Let's hope all pain will subside soon.

I wish my elephant memory can shrink into a vase of sunflowers, the dark memories sinking and dissolving in the murky water, while the flowers bloom and grow from the unsightly fertilisers.

time for bed.

goodnight world.

i'm self-quarantined

2009-07-19T22:35:00.003+08:00

in my own room, because my brother's two puppies were barking at me non-stop.

so i'm typing random tots now bcos i got nothing to do after drafting my lesson plans.

Anw... internship.. so far so good (:

mentor assigned me a sec 3 class to teach last fri and the feeling of sharing and talking in front of the student was really good (:

hmmm... i think nothing can be better than getting a job which you can indulge in, and yet at the same time, deriving meaning from it.

Just came back from JB Pulai Springs, still suffereing from the lack of sleep...

weekend getaways are invaluable.

I feel blessed, to find another family which treats me like their own. Comfortable and warm. (:

Thanks dar.

Rejuvenated.

starfish saver's calling..

2009-07-16T22:20:00.004+08:00

during one of the meet up with one of my favourite teacher, she shared with me her struggle with depression. The feeling was so crippling that she even considered suicide.

What stopped you, i asked.

"if i have committed suicide, what kind of example am i setting for my students? I would be a bad role model.."

This statement stayed in my mind even till now. Being my students' role model, i might not be very clear of what i should do or what i want, but i know exactly what i shouldn't or what i don't want to do.

Thanks.

i love the sun.

2009-07-14T23:24:00.000+08:00

full speed ahead sheebiao (:

yooooohooo

2009-07-08T21:22:00.002+08:00

fulfilling day at work!

my mentor is a super super nice lady. (:

anw, guys and girls!! sorry if i mia here... really busy with my internship.........................................

hope to meet up with u soon!

for the guys who are having holiday, enjoy ur vacation;

for the girls who are working alr, jiayou!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

mama 也 emo

2009-07-03T21:19:00.004+08:00

2009-07-03T00:34:00.000+08:00

scary how some ppl's skin can be so thick.

nothing.

2009-07-02T10:30:00.000+08:00

nothing seems to go right.

pls, stop playing with me.

2009-07-02T00:46:00.003+08:00

公公，

没有办法见你最后一面。

听大家形容着你去世时的安详，一声不吭地忍痛的勇敢，听着你为嬷嬷录的那段话

lao ah, mai gek xin.. lao ah, mai cham si..

听着姐姐怎么握着公公的手，听着嬷嬷怎么拉着从德国回来的哥哥，说

gong gong bor dor liao。。gong gong bor dor liao。。

我。。

我在哪里？我在做什么？

gong gong gia hor. Ah biao sun bor ban huat deng lai tuei lir..

ti gong po hor ah gong, dor lao eh sun sun li li, hua hua hih hih.. ti gong po hor..

about drawing

2009-06-26T23:19:00.004+08:00

Today probably marks the last day of my drawing lesson this semester..

some of the recent pieces i've drawn...

introducing the characters: picture number 2: Venus, not exactly the sexy one we read on Greek Myth ; character 3: a lady with a flower -_- number 4: The wrath of Alexendar the Great.

The thing i like about drawing is, i just need a 5B pencil and an eraser, and i can work wonder. I watched how my teacher drawn life portraits using just a piece of charcoal and his hand, and the feeling really touched me. Compared to drawing, a good photographer probably also require a significantly good camera and a photoshop-equivalent computer programme.. (but of cos, not trying to say that photography is not nice or not artistic. But just a wild tot, are we too reliant on machines?)

It's interesting how i chanced upon this art school while strolling down duo lun road with dann and lydia in sem 1. the portraits were amazing and the first tot that came to my mind was:

It will be cool if i can draw you and our children professional portraits next time..

....

hmm... i am still waiting patiently for the chance to come.

our dreams.

2009-06-22T23:37:00.003+08:00

"you will have four dreams later,
you won't remember all of them,
but come find me anyway (: "

and i found you here,

Sonnet LXXXI- Neruda

And now you're mine. Rest with your dream in my dream.
Love and pain and work should all sleep, now.
The night turns on its invisible wheels,
and you are pure beside me as a sleeping amber.

No one else, Love, will sleep in my dreams. You will go,
we will go together, over the waters of time.
No one else will travel through the shadows with me,
only you, evergreen, ever sun, ever moon.

Your hands have already opened their delicate fists
and let their soft drifting signs drop away; your eyes closed
like two gray wings, and I move

after, following the folding water you carry, that carries
me away. The night, the world, the wind spin out their destiny.
Without you, I am your dream, only that, and that is all.

雨霖铃【宋】柳永

2009-06-22T16:33:00.001+08:00

　　寒蝉凄切，对长亭晚，骤雨初歇。都门帐饮无绪, 留恋处，兰舟摧发。执手相看泪眼，竟无语凝噎。念去去千里烟波，暮霭沈沈楚天阔。

　　多情自古伤离别，更那堪冷落清秋节。今宵酒醒何处，杨柳岸、晓风残月。此去经年，应是良辰好景虚设。便纵有，千种风情，更与何人说。

why?

2009-06-18T01:11:00.002+08:00

why? why? why?

my migraine is back again.

not at this time please.

indigestion from yesterday's mutton and overflowing emotion,

2009-06-17T08:23:00.005+08:00

woke up with the Sun,

still stuck on the bed,

we glared at each other for more than an hour,

and we said "hi,

why do you wake up so early Son/Sun?"

....

exams schedule makes me feel like a machine:

milo - morning run - pull ups - lunwen - library/school - lunch - revision - people watching - laugh - dinner - friends/ or friends episodes - sleep, at 11.

*loop loop gloop gloop*

****************************************************

"C130 rolling down the strip...

NPCC takes a little trip...

stand up hook up...

walk to the door...

>>>>> fast forward to this line:

2 more weeks and i'll be home! home, home, home, home, home home home home, home home home home.

**************************

hmmm where's my life? i can't seem to find him. He's there but yet he's not. In fact, i thought i have seen him before, but actually it's just my illusion. He's still lurking around in the corner i guess.

Hur, life, trying to play hard to get huh?

****************************************

Half the world is probably asleep, at least half of this room is asleep because my roommate is. Or more than my roommate: my pencils, my books, the soft toys from sheez, my hard disk, my clothes, my closet, my lunwen, my bed (how can a bed sleep without me sleeping on it. grrr).......... my room stones.

***************************

Today, i change my catchphrase from "no one deserves to be hurt" to "no one deserves to wake up so early."

***************

hmm....

sorry, toilet break.

indigestion.

...

ok, check clear and flush --

the physical state of my dark emoness :P

hmmmm...

**********************************

did i just hear my happy roommate giggle in his sleep?

hmm

ok, i did.

and it is scary.

........................................................

one last qtn: why is Keis always so happy?

ans: it must be his eyebrows.

《纷乱的夜《

2009-06-16T21:47:00.004+08:00

如何像风一样

放荡不羁地

飞，从这棵树到那棵树，

掠过一切,

影子朦胧

树枝抓不住我

我的心绪如纷乱的黄叶――　

仅存余音，

飘忽

不定，

直到

落地

在

花

开

前

腐

化。

陈维彪，你是烂人一个。

2009-06-16T21:42:00.005+08:00

加油吧。

（不是自怨自艾，

只想记住今晚的事。

多说也没有用。

m,我对不起你。）

有些东西忘不掉—

2009-06-13T22:54:00.002+08:00

例如炎热的上海，冷气房内，一个人，拾起室友的吉他，

手指就位，摆阵总能成为和弦。

自娱自乐的下午，忘了明天的考试，却记起能够制造音乐的感动。

无力的手指们在六根钢弦上来回往返，心情顿时如海。

有些东西忘不掉--

例如，想你。

。。。

下个学期，重新做个吉他手。

OMG, my aircon is finally fixeD!

2009-06-13T09:33:00.000+08:00

kudos to the aircon man! *yoohoo*

- and as what MM has previously said, aircon is perhaps one of the best invention in the world.

(Singapore, an air-conditioned nation by Cherian george)

Suey to the max

2009-06-12T13:15:00.003+08:00

I knew it when i lost that mahjong game during CNY.

The sun set earlier, the cloud was dark and forbidding, and the stars weren't as shiny.

Since then, my losing streak continues, and i haven't won a single game. (can u imagine!)

I went back to Shanghai on Valentine's Day to face a polluted and gloomy sky;

March and April passed by like two old ah gong and ah ma, the little joys came in packages like xiamen trip, occasional swims and chit-chat sessions with friends.

May came and i lost something precious.

If there's a metaphor for june, amidst the exams stress and the inertia that is as big as a dinosaur..

ok

June, is like a guy who weighs 200 pounds, just finished a heavy buffet lunch, only to find out that he is being recalled for reservice (silent mobilisation somemore) by his sergeant. The time required for reporting is very short, maybe an hour, in CCK, but he is in tampines, still licking his fingers and unbuckling his belt. Time is ticking away very fast and the struggle for him is..

Anw while typing this entry, i am sweating like mad. Why?

Before we even go on, let's do a checklist on my sueyness.

First, the mahjong, then i found out that my spine is crooked, went to tui na and gana kicked left right centre by the sinseh, but turned out it doesn help. may i lost something precious, weird stuff and weird revelations keep popping up like popcorns, poptarts or popcards after that, surprising even the strong-hearted.
and then, all of a sudden, i realised my hard disk, which i bought for less than a year but held photos and memories more than a decade, died on me and now is lying there sheepishly for me to revive her. With a kiss?
Then, my single room was retracted (disclaimer: not that im not happy with Keis, but i need more personal space!!) and i cant stand this square space anymore.
Yesterday, an exam which i tot i should get an A even with blindfolds on, turned out to be as hard as diamond. Just that it's not as pretty.

And now, and now, MY AIRCON IS SPOILT! it is 33 degrees, im not spoilt but i cant think and my room is so stuffy without a functional aircon. and it doesn't help that Shanghai's humidity is making me feel like i'm doing a skin wrap every moment.

And You, i got your point and you don't have to prove murphy's laws to me like this already!
You think you can thrash mr tang with all these sueyness and sai, but im telling you, and you better listen up, he is strong and he will survive! He is not afraid of youuuuu

Rwarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

.

okie i feel better now.

shanghai weather is making me groggy

2009-06-11T23:27:00.001+08:00

ZZZZzzzz

the dilemma of a historian

2009-06-09T23:17:00.000+08:00

and i choose to trust you again.

i say queue up please.

2009-06-04T18:14:00.001+08:00

and whoever don't want to queue up, i will not complete you

and you shall wait quietly in my to-do folder.

no expectation, no disappointment.

2009-06-03T23:21:00.002+08:00

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

2009-06-03T23:10:00.002+08:00

okie pardon me, but i think this blog will be my ranting space at least for a month.

I have been having so much work that i cant even leave my computer for more than 2 hrs (unless i conked out on bed). I'm feel so

computerized. hope my face isnt square when i get back to singapore. well even if it doesnt, i think i will be like a hen. why? cos i have been churning essays and words, (an average of 2000 words essay per day) that i think i will have phobia after this month.

and exams are comingggg and i have no idea what 2 of my classes are talking about.

ok, let's talk about things that i can look forward to....

...........

...........

ok nice try.

let's hope my taiwan trip will materialise.

The lovers

2009-06-01T18:36:00.001+08:00

You said,

“APRIL is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.”

And I thought it has ended, but I ask why the april rain doesn’t seems to stop; why may, june and maybe july, august don’t seem to be less stifling, less crippling and less filled with the smell of rancid meat and spoilt milk.

"Temptation", “finding oneself”, "total honesty", "identity crisis", "transgression", you told me softly.
Take your pick please, even though they are the same. Your synonyms to the magic word: lies,
while half-truth struck the Earth like meteorites, shattering glass-like dreams, burning houses of promises, photos, letters and hopes.

Burning happiness into ashes.

Then a moment of silence.
And the spotlight is on.

On the stage, A tango of two, blindfolded and dancing
to the rhythm of blue.
Music stops and enters another pair
of legs, And then another,
Into a deadlock of four.

They touched, but
Wait, who are you?

I am blind but I am not a fool. I am a fool but I am not stupid.

“The bell jar is air- tight, and the air molecules inside are in a frenzy with every breath that I exhale. They shudder, they shiver, they squeeze. The air inside is stale with the stench of sobriety, of silence, of self>>>>>>>>>

And you can’t feel me anymore.”

Who are we? How have we gotten here? Why and when did it happen?

Does it really matter? my black fiend.
“In my darkest moments you leave
They say you are the only one I can always count on to be there
But take away light
And there you
Go”

Silence please.

I have enough of lies, or maybe, half-truth.
When lies are sugarcoated with shimmering golden theories, every reason, every justification, every rumour and every additional information---- (no I do not want to hear them anymore) melts the sweet façade of the house the same way memory fades into nothingness.

And the lights are on again.

Betrayal, he puts on his black coat, grabs hold of the lover’s hand and drives a blunt dagger, blunt like your words, into the heart of the blindfolded partner. Every dishonesty and half truth becomes a repeated stab, increasing the force, increasing the intensity, changing the angle so that every part of the heart is well taken care of.

he is left on the stage, alone.
his blindfold still on, because he doesn’t understand the world anymore.

My tears have dried but the sadness hasn’t.
My heart is bleeding, but you can never comprehend
because you have never felt the pain.
Or maybe pain no more, as I drown myself in a pool of liquor, forcing sleepless nights into dreamless deep slumbers.

But when I wake up,
I know i must still remember to smile.

night runs

2009-06-01T18:34:00.001+08:00

running away my pain,

but not running away from them.

running away from my tears

cos' i cant seem to run them away.

每个身边的朋友都这么说，你为什么不信？

2009-06-01T18:33:00.001+08:00

当我看到一个看似复杂的问题慢慢地简单化，

简单成一个非常明显的答案时，

我会怕。

受了点伤 - 阿桑

2009-06-01T08:57:00.000+08:00

my love,晚安就别再为难
别管我会受伤
想开体谅我已经习惯
不然又能怎样?

这个城市太会说谎爱情只是昂贵的橱窗
沿路华丽灿烂陈列甜美幻象
谁当真谁就上当

竟然以为你会不一样但凭什么你要不一样
因为寂寞太冷虚构出的温暖
没理由能撑到天亮

前进转弯我跌跌撞撞
在这迷宫打转
死心失望会比较简单
却又心有不甘

这个城市太会伪装爱情就像霓虹灯一样
谁离开之后却把灯忘了关让梦作得太辉煌

以为能够留你在身旁但是谁肯留在谁身旁
一首情歌都比一个亲吻更长
这就叫做好聚好散

别说你对我感到愧疚别说你会永远想念我
我很知道孤单这条路怎么走
请你不要安慰我

my love,晚安别放在心上
我只受了点伤
只是受了点伤

阿桑，你的一生已化为歌声和容恋人们取暖的音符。

孔子说，

2009-05-31T16:00:00.004+08:00

哥哥离开了，大嫂随后跟上，爸妈和姐姐在关卡前送别，少不了眼泪。

陈家两个男丁从此各奔东西，留下大姐顾家。姐姐的工作不简单。

记得问过kw，有没有兴趣赴中国念中文系。他的回答：不了，父母年纪大了。

我当时也没有多想。

如今辗转两年，在沪的时间比在家的时间多出几倍。几次回国，也总是往外跑，在家的时间其实也没有多少。有时想好好的和父母吃一顿饭，去巴刹买菜，像小时候一样，却总是输给了诱惑，不是和朋友聚餐，就是贪睡，窝在家中。

有时候生活太过安逸，就会忘记，自己是领着人民的血汗还有父母的祝福来到了上海。日子久了，却忘了自己有多幸福。陈家五口，一直都是由爸爸一人养大。爸爸是技工，满手是趼，妈妈是主妇，几年前，哥哥姐姐同时上大学，家用不够，妈妈还时不时得和阿姨借以补贴。

如今雨过天晴了。陈家进入另一个阶段，不知道又是什么样的一个景致。

自己在外还有多两年，未来也不知道会有什么新的气象。

多一个月就回国了，回国后的大家，又会有什么样的变化。。。

“父母在，不远游，游必有方。” 孔子几千年说。

有方吗？有方吗？

突然觉得自己很不孝。

Music, When Soft Voices Die

2009-05-31T15:43:00.003+08:00

Music, when soft voices die,

Vibrates in the memory;

Odours, when sweet violets sicken,

Live within the sense they quicken,

Rose leaves, when the rose is dead

Are heap'd for the beloved's bed;

And so thy thoughts, when thou art gone,

Love itself shall slumber on.

-Percy Bysshe Shelley

since i can't do it on my facebook, i shall do it here:

2009-05-31T15:43:00.001+08:00

sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i'm sorry

2009-05-29T21:41:00.001+08:00

如影随形

2009-05-28T03:57:00.004+08:00

你低头看，看到一团黑乌乌的影子。
你不肯相信它就是你的一部分。
你极力想要把它甩开。
你开始跑，使劲地跑，跑到天涯海角。
影子始终随行，忽长忽短，只要有光处，
它就在。

倘若你不跑，耐心地站在原地，
与影子搏斗。时间用心帮忙，
久了，太阳下山了，
你的影子也就消失了。
但是之中的搏斗加忍耐，
十分费力。

更比如，你不跑，也不待着。
思考吧。影子为什么会长得这样呢？
毕竟是你身体的一部分，
你性格的投射--有没有影子的人吗？

与其跑，不如留他在你身边，
使你完整。

Matthew 18:21-22

2009-05-28T03:31:00.004+08:00

Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?”

Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven."

a proper closure

2009-05-26T17:16:00.003+08:00

the same hand that raises you

can be the one that breaks you...

the same frame that captures the sunrise

happens to catch the sunset too

indeed, it was beautiful

but the curtains have to be drawn at certain point,

leaving the fossilfied butterfly

with the vase of flowers that never die.

p/s

now that i know

i feel more at ease.

All the best to you.

bang! bang bang!

2009-05-25T19:39:00.000+08:00

ICF down!

archaeology essay down!

novel down!

thumbs up (:

one event down!

2009-05-24T23:12:00.005+08:00

and ICF ended smoothly yesterday (:

a 85 -90 marks i will give ourselves, given the fact that this is the first time Fudan organised such an event.

i can't say i don't feel stressed taking over Reb as the president of FUSSA:

making sure the festival will turn out well (and not xia suey Singapore) while settling my essays that pile like the books on my messy floor, exams that perch like vultures and some personal problems that i don't even know where to start,

but i realised i still enjoy the adrenalin of organising major events.

It's like your whole team's effort will go to waste if just one stupid mistake cropped up and there are simply so much things to learn about management and coordination. You wake up early in the morning, start decorating and arranging whatever you see in sight, check and pray that everything will arrive and set up on time. And when the whistle blows, you will sweat it out with a dynamic group of friends and just enjoy the fun of being crazy and loud in public.

It felt like the old NCO- CI days in NPCC again (:

(and i was so tired i slept from 8 pm to 11 am yesterday.. 15 hrs of sleep. goodness)

The bottom line is, all these will not be possible without efficient FUSSA and good o' partner, "Datuk" Sixi. ((:

international culture festival

2009-05-22T11:40:00.001+08:00

ahhhhhhhhhh it's tomorrow~

yea!

go singapore go! go singapore go!

get me out of this metal mass please

2009-05-21T23:18:00.006+08:00

citylife is stifling.

ok, i know it sounds ridiculous. this coming out from a city boy who lives in the lion city for 20 over years and who has chosen shanghai 2 years ago as his city of study.

i mean i still love what i'm learning here, be it from the people around or my art teacher and profs.. but it's just that, i need a break seriously.

i looked out of my balcony and saw mountains of squarish-rectangular-ish neat rows of high-rise buildings. There's not even a tinge of green or muddy brown (the only green that i see is probably planted by the shu shu)

City is too well-planned. i need something messier, something more natural, and less.. metallic. something more lively.. something closer to God's miracles..

...

Take me out of this, will you?

Queue up pls!

2009-05-21T20:50:00.003+08:00

Work work work,

Essay essay essays,

meeting meeting meetings,

class, class, class..

when can all these stop?

gloomy Shanghai gloomy sky.

Rain after rain,

You should know when to stop crying and

when to smile, Shanghai.

so work, please stay calm and

queue up please, one at a time.

Be civilised, don't rush, and stay easy,

easy... easy --- hey you! stop cutting queue, can you!!

get into the line!

so what's next?

ICF, Archae essay, kafka analysis and world expo meeting.

take your queue number pls.

凡人都是健忘的动物，

2009-05-18T22:35:00.003+08:00

越健忘，越能远离痛苦。

忘了也罢。

最怕记起的时候，脑海重构的只是支离破碎的隐约画面：

好像拥有什么、又好像失去什么。

好像曾经有过什么，又好像从来都没有过什么。

strolling down the memory lane

2009-05-15T01:15:00.000+08:00

do not disturb.

(:

(:

2009-05-14T16:46:00.001+08:00

yeaaa!

OMG i love my brother!

2009-05-12T15:37:00.001+08:00

you rock man!

you will always be my idol!

累到爆炸！

2009-05-11T21:07:00.001+08:00

加油！
你行的！！

erps... what have u done again!

2009-05-11T15:29:00.001+08:00

James Blunt, i melted in your music. --- 10/5/09

2009-05-11T09:05:00.002+08:00

http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XODk0NjI5NDA=.html

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.

So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.

I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.(2x)

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be

I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.

I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.(2x)

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.(2x)

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

不经一番寒彻骨，焉得梅花扑鼻香

2009-05-10T12:29:00.002+08:00

鹊桥仙〉〉秦观

2009-05-10T08:14:00.003+08:00

纤云弄巧，飞星传恨，银汉迢迢暗度。

金风玉露一相逢，便胜却、人间无数。

柔情似水，佳期如梦，忍顾鹊桥归路。

两情若是久长时，又岂在、朝朝暮暮。

2009-05-09T23:09:00.003+08:00

trust,

so hard yet so

beautiful

faith,

fragile but delicately

strong

tacit understanding,

two hearts beating as one

pain,

pins and needles

needles and pins

love,

feather-like comfort

lover,

alloy of love and pain

be strong

2009-05-09T08:46:00.001+08:00

you can do it.

shanghai is burning me!!!

2009-05-08T13:29:00.001+08:00

soak up the sunnnnnnnnnn

confronting your fear...

2009-05-08T08:28:00.002+08:00

i don't think i can be as brave as Ann in a situation like this...

way to go, pal!

you've taught me courage today.

《你的笑脸》

2009-05-07T13:52:00.009+08:00

我坐立不安

如缺油的灯，在电脑前

憧憧晃动。

你的笑容如水，

流过坑坑洼洼的路；

总有办法

浇熄那些蒸发不掉的焦虑。

年轻时，

2009-05-07T13:48:00.001+08:00

理想如武川路。

小幸福

2009-05-06T11:02:00.004+08:00

在宿舍阳台中搭起了一张椅子，在我努力地把上学期的污迹刷除干净之后。

双脚架在栏杆上，在自然光下看书。

累了就入房小憩。

或许有空时，还可以考虑骑车到步行街，抓几盆小花点缀。

突然感觉宿舍大了不少，心情也好了很多。

post secret

2009-05-06T09:22:00.002+08:00

-http://postsecret.blogspot.com

not exactly an earth-shaking revelation, but definitely encompasses the woes of twin-sharing room mates!

Singapore museum explores Da Vinci

2009-05-06T09:01:00.004+08:00

"Singapore will prove a popular destination with travellers interested in art and science this year when it hosts an exhibition dedicated to the great Leonardo da Vinci.

The show, which is one of the largest and most comprehensive touring exhibitions on the Renaissance luminary, will be presented at the Science Centre Singapore from 15 May to 16 August.

Visitors will be offered plenty of opportunities to learn all about the great artist and inventor, with sections of the exhibition exploring his life and times and the machine designs that he dreamt up.Other parts of the showcase will look at Renaissance art and the role that Da Vinci played in the movement and the secrets behind the Mona Lisa, arguably the artist's most famous work.

The Science Centre Singapore houses more than 1,000 interactive exhibits and attractions such as the Kinetic Garden, which brings together 35 sculptures and displays in an environment comprising waterfalls, fountains, ponds and other features."

-article from http://news.opodo.co.uk/articles/2009-04-23/19136885-Singapore-museum.php

Exciting!!
another activity in our summer to-do-list (:

i miss you,

2009-05-05T10:13:00.000+08:00

a lot.

"we should all aim to be someone higher"

2009-05-04T20:19:00.003+08:00

and im not going to feeding u anymore.

the red creature in me dies.

天晴后，连温开水也是甜甜的

2009-05-03T15:00:00.001+08:00

justin!!!

2009-05-01T21:07:00.001+08:00

lyh says: wow!! i just saw xing shun on crime watch!

this is so funny! we always joked about it but i didnt know it will eventually materialise! how cool is that! way to go ASP Wong!!!

没有解决不了的问题，只有不愿意解决的人

2009-05-01T07:48:00.000+08:00

本周启示：

情比金坚

a good run kickstarts my day

2009-04-30T08:12:00.001+08:00

morning, breakfast!

the dark being

2009-04-29T22:29:00.002+08:00

no matter how corpulent the dark creature might be,

let us shoulder it together: its legs around our waist, its torso across our heads, its arms slapping on our faces as we move forward together;

at your command, we will heave him with all our might, push our bodies up and toss him over our shoulders, throwing him back to where he came from---------------

and yes, he shall stay there forever.

no matter where you trangressed, i will always be there with you.

2009-04-29T14:41:00.001+08:00

ok, maybe not so soon.

woohoo i can taste food again!

2009-04-29T14:40:00.000+08:00

小小生活中的一些小小焦虑

2009-04-29T12:18:00.003+08:00

几年前对于朋友聚餐时话题的转变感到感慨，仿佛大家已经开始关注事业与生计，冷笑话与浮夸的自high也显得幼稚；如今又看到身边朋友发生的一些意想不到的问题---- 太快了吧，这些不是大人想的问题吗？

喜忧参半。

好友zhe马上就要结婚了，R估计也很快就要幸福。

继哥哥结婚后，身边的人都好像都在谈婚论嫁。（当然两者没有什么联系拉）

忽然发现来复旦已经快两年了。（一些事也快两年。。）

好友们纷纷准备毕业，收拾自己，准备回家。（有点不舍得。。）

每一次回家，都感觉爸爸妈妈的白头发多了不少，（不过两个人斗起嘴来还是那么有劲儿:P）。印象中，妈妈和爸爸总是在斗嘴，当然不说吵架，因为两个人都是温和型的。

有时候我在想，爸爸搞什么鬼，为什么没事硬要找事，难道妈妈就这样不值得你疼吗？

但他们成双上巴刹、饭桌上谈一些太过琐碎的事、一起旅游（总是斗嘴）、谈马票看toto，然后随口一句 “他妈er的。这样也没有中。”

好不浪漫哦。我想我是遗传了爸爸的基因，姐姐拿到妈妈的，哥哥最走运，两个都拿。（像小时候的鸡腿一样）

爸爸妈妈有他们相爱的法则，两个人用着适合自己的方法和脚步这样地走下去。妈妈很居家，爸爸像个小孩，但两人都很疼孩子，并用他们特有的方式教导着我们。

他们看着我长大，我也在看他们长大。

。。。

谈了那么久，想起了陈绮贞的 “妈妈可以不可以不要变老。”

哥哥去年刚结婚，下个月底又会去法兰克福公干三年，大嫂辞掉工作，陪老公养家。

养家真的是一个好词，说明了没有不用付出的感情，一切都需要养分才能茁壮，光合作用最多只能让你苟延残喘。风雨过后，倒下的必是那些无法根深蒂固的花-----但你又怎么能怪风雨呢？

回去后的家又不知道会有什么变化。

感觉人生充满着变数。

之前挂在嘴上的是别人的名言，如今却已经成为自己的感慨。

啊，大家都已经长大了。

this is the most surreal week

2009-04-29T10:00:00.000+08:00

don't ask.

because i don't know the answer too.

大家好，让大家操心了，不好意思。

2009-04-29T09:59:00.001+08:00

请放心，小弟没事。

真的感谢各路朋友的关心与帮助。

小弟没有白活了。（也没有想死hor)

*bow*

Sigh

2009-04-28T22:41:00.000+08:00

Sigh, there’s so much you want to talk about, so much you want to express, so much confusion, so much thoughts to marshal, and just when you are about to describe that feeling, you let off a long deep sigh involuntarily...

Haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Sigh, it encompasses so much. Wordless but filled with expressions. Such a passive yet energetic puff of breathe.

No food but homecooked

2009-04-28T14:11:00.004+08:00

Jiaming bought a box of cookie from seoul, the name of the cookie is called “Mother’s finger”.

Mother’s finger… hmmm… what an apt name.

Like, there’s no cookie or food that can be made wrong with mother’s fingers.

Mother’s fingers… I remember holding them when I cross the road last time, little me in my little school uniform, going to pre-primary class, either bouncing away or walking sleepily.

I remember them coordinating harmoniously to whip up dishes every night.

I remember I would take a cab home after each morning O level papers just to have her lunch and then take a nap before I take the evening papers. I remember there was a time she prepared my birthday feast but i frowned because it wasnt what i expected. I remember her dishes she cooked before my departure. Chilly crab, broccoli, steam egg with minced meat, sweet sour pork, and black bean soup.

Yum yum.

There’s so much to talk and think about my mum.

(ok, I don’t like to think of the way she caned me when I’m small and naughty)

I miss Tang ma ma, her cooking, and her assuring smile.

Few moments ago, we went into Fussa room and for strange reasons, we started singing “We are Singapore” (and of course, drool nostalgically at the pictures of food.)

It's just 3 months since i returned to shanghai,

but it felt like years...

2 more months...

沉郁的阿格里巴

2009-04-28T12:09:00.003+08:00

1304 的新房客。

(keisuke calls him, U-g-ly Pa)

告诉我

2009-04-28T00:04:00.004+08:00

告诉我，两个相爱的人为什么不能在一起...

what have i done?

2009-04-27T16:29:00.004+08:00

陈维彪，你肯定是疯了。

听陈绮贞的歌需要很多酒

2009-04-26T15:35:00.000+08:00

disillusioned world

《从A的关于B的梦中梦说起》

听不见

劫后剩余：你偷不到我什么

not so strong after all

love and hates

premonitions

random post

my not so daily ritual

"dreamers"

《”自我“设下的陷阱”，我“来跳》

朋友啊，朋友

朋友啊，朋友

hurdle race

thanks.

being the youngest in the family,

there is always the moment..

my monster

about onions

i'm self-quarantined

starfish saver's calling..

i love the sun.

yooooohooo

mama 也 emo

nothing.

about drawing

our dreams.

雨霖铃【宋】柳永

why?

indigestion from yesterday's mutton and overflowing emotion,

《纷乱的夜《

陈维彪，你是烂人一个。

有些东西忘不掉—

OMG, my aircon is finally fixeD!

Suey to the max

shanghai weather is making me groggy

the dilemma of a historian

i say queue up please.

no expectation, no disappointment.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

The lovers

night runs

每个身边的朋友都这么说，你为什么不信？

受了点伤 - 阿桑

孔子说，

Music, When Soft Voices Die

since i can't do it on my facebook, i shall do it here:

i'm sorry

如影随形

Matthew 18:21-22

a proper closure

bang! bang bang!

one event down!

international culture festival

get me out of this metal mass please

Queue up pls!

凡人都是健忘的动物，

strolling down the memory lane

(:

OMG i love my brother!

累到爆炸！

erps... what have u done again!

James Blunt, i melted in your music. --- 10/5/09

不经一番寒彻骨，焉得梅花扑鼻香

鹊桥仙 〉〉秦观

be strong

shanghai is burning me!!!

confronting your fear...

《你的笑脸》

年轻时，

小幸福

post secret

Singapore museum explores Da Vinci

i miss you,

"we should all aim to be someone higher"

天晴后，连温开水也是甜甜的

justin!!!

没有解决不了的问题，只有不愿意解决的人

a good run kickstarts my day

the dark being

鹊桥仙〉〉秦观